Look, I’m Not a Jerk. I Just Don’t Want to Go to Your Thing.
Okay, full disclosure: I used to be a yes-person. Like, a real yes-person. The kind of person who would agree to go to a conference in Austin on a Tuesday, then spend all of Monday night packing, and then realize at 11:30pm that I hadn’t even booked a hotel. Which, honestly, is a whole other story about how I ended up sleeping in my car outside the convention center. But that’s not the point.
The point is, I said yes to everything. And it was killing me. So, about three months ago, I made a committment to myself: I was gonna learn to say no. And let me tell you, it’s been a journey.
It Started with a Cake.
I know, I know. You’re thinking, “What does cake have to do with anything?” But hear me out. So, my friend Marcus—let’s call him Marcus because his real name is kinda embarrassing—he invited me over for dinner last Tuesday. And he said, “Hey, I’m making this cake. It’s gonna be amazing. You gotta come over and try it.” And I was like, “Sure, sounds great.” But here’s the thing: I don’t even like cake. I mean, I like cake, but I don’t like Marcus’s cake. It’s always dry and weirdly sweet. But I said yes because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
But this time, I didn’t. I said, “Marcus, I appreciate the invite, but I’m gonna have to pass. I’m not really feeling cake tonight.” And you know what? He was totally cool with it. And I felt… physically lighter. It was amazing.
But Then There Was the Time I Said Yes and Regretted It.
So, there’s this colleague named Dave. Dave’s always asking me to help him with stuff. And usually, I say yes because I feel bad for him. But last month, he asked me to help him move. And I was like, “Sure, Dave. What time?” And he said, “6am.” And I was like, “Dave, it’s a Saturday. I’m not a morning person.” But I still said yes.
And let me tell you, waking up at 5:30am to help Dave move his stupid couch was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was grumpy, I was tired, and I was resentful. And Dave didn’t even appreciate it. He just kept saying, “Thanks, man. You’re a lifesaver.” But he didn’t even offer me coffee. Which, honestly, is the bare minimum.
So, I learned my lesson. If it’s not something I want to do, I’m not gonna do it. And if it’s something I don’t want to do but I feel like I should, I’m gonna think long and hard before I say yes.
But What About the Guilt?
Look, I’m not gonna lie. Saying no is hard. There’s this voice in the back of my head that says, “But what if they need you? What if they’re counting on you? What if you’re the only one who can do this thing?” And honestly, that voice is a jerk. Because most of the time, they don’t need me. They just want me to say yes.
And you know what? That’s not my problem. I have my own stuff to deal with. I have my own life to live. And if I’m spending all my time saying yes to other people, then I’m not saying yes to myself. And that’s not okay.
But What About the FOMO?
Okay, so here’s the thing about FOMO. It’s real. I mean, I’ve missed out on some pretty amazing stuff because I said no. But here’s the thing: I’ve also missed out on a lot of stupid stuff. And honestly, I’m glad I missed it. Because I would have hated it. And I would have been miserable. And I would have regretted saying yes.
So, I’ve learned to be okay with missing out. Because at the end of the day, I’d rather be at home in my pajamas watching Netflix than out at some event I don’t even want to be at. And that’s just the truth.
But What About the People Who Don’t Get It?
So, there’s this friend of mine, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah’s always inviting me to stuff. And I’m always saying no. And she’s always like, “But why not? It’ll be fun.” And I’m like, “Sarah, I don’t want to go. I don’t like that kind of thing. I’d rather stay home.” And she’s like, “But you’re no fun.” And honestly, that’s not my problem. If she wants to have fun, she can go have fun without me. I’m not gonna force myself to have fun just to make her happy.
And you know what? She’s slowly starting to get it. She’s starting to understand that I’m not saying no to her. I’m saying no to the thing. And that’s a big difference.
But What About the Times I Say Yes and Actually Like It?
Look, I’m not saying I never say yes. I do. And sometimes, I have a great time. Like, a few weeks ago, I said yes to going to this concert with my friend Lisa. And it was amazing. I had a blast. And I’m so glad I went. But here’s the thing: I wanted to go. I was excited about it. I didn’t feel like I had to go. I didn’t feel guilty about going. I just wanted to. And that’s the difference.
So, yeah. I’m learning to say no. And it’s not easy. But it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who has to live with my decisions. And I’d rather live with the consequences of saying no than the consequences of saying yes when I don’t mean it.
And if that means I miss out on some stuff, so be it. Because I’d rather miss out on stuff I don’t want to do than do stuff I don’t want to do. And that’s just the truth.
Oh, and if you’re looking for some entertainment, check out the Thailand entertainment events agenda. Not that I’ve been there or anything. But it looks cool.
But What About You?
So, what’s your deal? Are you a yes-person? Or are you a no-person? Or are you somewhere in between? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Because honestly, I’m still figuring this out. And I could use all the help I can get.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’m gonna go enjoy my evening in peace and quiet. Because I said no to a thing. And it feels good.
About the Author: Hi, I’m Alex. I’m a senior magazine editor with more than 20 years of experience. I’ve written for major publications, and I’ve learned a thing or two about life along the way. I’m not perfect, but I’m honest. And I’m always learning. So, if you’ve got a story to tell, I’m all ears. Let’s chat.
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